I’ve been running away for a long time. the fatigue is starting to catch up to me. i’m getting tired and that terrifies me. My greatest fear in the world is ending up back there. i know consciously this outcome is impossible but it doesn’t stay my frenzied heart. What’s left of it anyway. I have vivid nightmares about it. they keep me up most nights. it’s been years and i still panic from just the memories. i don’t want to go back to that place. so i’ll keep running as fast as i can, as hard as i can. there isn’t any other choice. I have to keep this pace or be consumed. even if that means missing out on things, i’ll keep running. Even if it means i’ll have to leave some people behind. i’ll keep running. Even if my muscles spasm and my bones creak, i have to keep stride. I’m not going back. i can’t. I don’t think i have the strength to fight my way out a second time. I’ll lose myself to it for sure.